I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
