You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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