no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
