I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i think i just lost a toe
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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