i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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