there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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