I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
