I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
