i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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