You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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