Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize