I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
