"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
