He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
