Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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