Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize