I want to make a zoo with you.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
