i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
