I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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