I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
