I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
