just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
