Do you still have your period?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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