Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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