last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize