I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Randomize
