I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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