He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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