Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
