I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sorry my hands just texted you
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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