My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
