I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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