he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
