There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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