And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize