Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
