One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All the doctor said was why
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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