Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
