What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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