if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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