Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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