i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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