you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize