it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
