Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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