dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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