So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I want to fling myself into the sun
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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