Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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