Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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