Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
