No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
