She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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