Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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