Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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