I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
