There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
