i dont even know how to be here
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
