I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You are a genius and a whore.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
