he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
