3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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