i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
