It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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