u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
