Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
