The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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