I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
