I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
someone owes me an orgasm
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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