dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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