Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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