The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
