she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
