See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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