the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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