They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
