You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
