Jerry, you need to find god
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
