Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
