I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
