How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the condom got lost in my hair
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize