TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
