and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
