Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
