Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ladies don't puke and tell
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
