??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just forgot I was standing up.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
