Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
