I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
