True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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