Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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