I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
