Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
