grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
