Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
