shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize