I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
