Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
