Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
