I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
